Comments on: How to keep your mouth shut

By: Rachel Burns

Rachel Burns — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 09:15:33 +0000

All good points. My dad always told me that my mouth would get me in trouble. I have a sharp tongue and the quick mind to match. I suffer from can’t keep my mouth shut too. I also suffer from bring something up to a supervisor in private that needs to be addressed that gets announced all over work as if I am the first person who ever said it and how dare I. Leaked by none other than the superviosr I brought it up to..and then being accused by same supervisor of leaking confidential information. Immediately followed by workplace shunning started by the hostile environment creator supervisor I brought it up to eventhough he agreed with everything I said at the time and I’m labeled as a troublemaker. Here’s the tricky part. I call them out. In private first. Then it gets ugly. I am a woman in a male dominated field. Do men have this problem too? I have to admit that I will never go into recovery. It’s working with people who are too busy to think of what to say next to listen to you. Like when you go to buy a car and the sales person keeps trying to talk you into financing and you keep schooling them with numbers and they get frustrated and run to their finance manager who never comes out. You want to grab them by the tie and say look here…I’m not allowed to be stupid as a woman so you certainly aren’t allowed to be a stupid man. I’m trying to decide if I am a glutton for punishment or too stupid to realize I am working for the wrong people. I know that idiots are out there in massive numbers. Are the right people out there? If so, where?

By: Eric Schneider

Eric Schneider — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 22:24:35 +0000

I’m 35yrs. old and I still haven’t fully learned this lesson in life. Invariably I find myself in the exact same position you described. I think by speaking my mind, I’ll create change, and if not, I can at least weed out the small minority who agree with me. Eventually, my “co-conspirators” and I become hated outcasts. It’s not until the working environment becomes completely dysfunctional before I realize I did it again. I swear, though, my mouth has it’s own brain that must think 100x faster than mine. The problem is, it’s often 100x dumber. I have to start changing my daily affirmation to “Shut your trap. Shut your trap.”

By: @appswhisperer

@appswhisperer — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 05:00:44 +0000

Granted, there are vast organizational and geographic differences. And, I agree that keeping quiet can be best, especially in organizations where consensus reigns. In such a workplace, disruptive ideas are discouraged, so it can be a toxic workplace to opinionated folks.

As a consultant, you have the luxury of emotional distance, and your observations are likely to be spot on target.

I just read “Sway, the irresistible pull of irrational behavior”. In it, authors Ori & Rom Brafman describe how we make decisions and influence others.

In one chapter, they describe the roles in group behavior, and how, without a “blocker” (someone to play devil’s advocate), many groups are swept up in the “initiator’s” passion for a new thing. Team members can be too intimidated to speak against that emotion, and tend “go along” rather than confront an idea.

They reported that full-on blocking behavior wasn’t necessary, and that a small interruption in the flow was enough to allow team members to feel comfortable that they weren’t the only ones questioning the issue and to speak up. The result was better decision-making and collaboration.

Here’s to the clever folks with opinions and ideas finding balance in working with and influencing people.