- June 17th, 2011
- 26 Comments »
- philosophy
Arrogance vs. Confidence: what’s the difference?
A long running debate in my own mind is the difference between arrogance and confidence. Here are two definitions:
An arrogant person only feels smart if someone else feels stupid. Their sense of themselves depends on thinking less of someone else. They insist on correcting other people’s grammar or showing them their flaws, as it’s the only way they can feel an approximation of confidence. Arrogance is about intent: its when ability (or perceived ability) is used to look down on others.
A confident person feels competent from the inside out. They use their talents to genuinely try to be of use, or to succeed at the task at hand. They might seek external validation, but they don’t depend on it to define their sense of their ability or nature.
In some cases an arrogant person may have more skill than a confident person, but the confident person will tend to wield whatever abilities they have with more calm control than an arrogant person can.
What do you think?
Tags: philosophy
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26 thoughts on “Arrogance vs. Confidence: what’s the difference?”
Scott, I think a lot of people are having problems with this issue. I wondered if these qualities affect leadership, since a lot of our leadership are seen as arrogant. Some celebrities, athletes, etc are too confident in themselves. I wrote a wonderful article on this subject. http://teach-yourself-guide.com/2012/01/confidence-or-arrogance-qualities-of.html thanks
Scott, I think a lot of people are having problems with this issue. I wondered if these qualities affect leadership, since a lot of our leadership are seen as arrogant. Some celebrities, athletes, etc are too confident in themselves. I wrote a wonderful article on this subject. http://teach-yourself-guide.com/2012/01/confidence-or-arrogance-qualities-of.html
I’m counting myself to the confident persons ^^
But from time to time I feel like a arrogant person actually has her/his good sides as well, e.g. when a long bargaining process is not coming to an end, an arrogant person can move mountains.
Where would Steve Jobs be without his arrogance? I guess he’s the most arrogant person there is?
Arrogance can instill motivation and a sense of challenge in others… most of the of course arrogance is just bad.
Arrogant people and confident people both hold strongly held opinions. The difference is simple… if I agree with the opinion, they’re confident… I I disagree with the opinion, they’re arrogant.
=)
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Why do you want to know the difference? What will knowing the difference allow you to do?
Arrogance is a form of insecurity. An arrogant person will beat themselves up internally for a perceived mistake or blame someone else for a perceived mistake, or both. The arrogant person desperately wants something to hold on to because they feel like they don’t matter or they feel that they cannot trust others(or any number of other reasons). They see themselves as separate and independent from others. They tend to believe in perfection, which has the downside that it is an unattainable goal. Because of their drive for security, they often become very skilled at something in hopes of getting the security they desire. But their behaviors only serve to reinforce the feeling of insecurity(e.g. blame), and the feedback loop continues indefinitely. To get out of this mental pattern requires a lot of voluntary emotional work and the guidance of a skilled therapist or spiritual teacher. If the person is not willing to change, there is very little that can be done to change their point of view.
A confident person understands their strengths and their shortcomings accurately. They will not view experiences as mistakes or successes, only feedback. They will help teach and mentor someone if something needs to be changed, without laying any blame. They see themselves as interdependent with other people, and understand that their own happiness is dependent upon the happiness of others. Thus they take care of the people around them. A confident person acts out of love and compassion for other and themselves. They know how to take care of their mind and their body. Their actions create more security for themselves and others around them and thus they feel solid and stable. They have the capacity to embrace others and their weaknesses, even arrogant people, and accept them without judgment.
I just want to point out that both confidence and arrogance are states of mind and not permanent characteristics of a person. Confidence is a state of mind that comes from understanding oneself, which can accomplished through any number of well known methods (and there are many levels of understanding yourself). Arrogance as a state of mind comes from mental patterns generated from the feeling of insecurity, as well as the actions that unknowingly generate an insecure life.
All of these definitions sound good. An important corollary to each is that confident people are always seeking out others who possess knowledge/talents/skills they lack, while arrogant people are avoiding them.
Scott – I was making a joke about your whole premise. Sure, it was a grammatical mistake, but I was just being a wiseass.
You don’t say “try and be of use.” It is “try TO be of use.”
;)
Joe: thx – fixed.
You should read Jeremy Sherman’s blog, he has a lot to say about ambiguous concepts like these. Here’s his latest post on confidence:
http://www.mindreadersdictionary.com/what-should-i-do/confidence-double-standard-when-his-confidence-means-hes-right-and-yours-means-youre-stubborn/
To me confidence is proactive, arrogance is reactive. We all make both proactive and reactive choices, and I think we are all confident and arrogant in various ways, the question is whether it is appropriate for the situation?
http://abstrusegoose.com/373
(Be sure to check the mouseover text.)
The real trick is, as some have observed, understanding how you are being viewed by the ones around you. Intent may influence things but if you are being viewed as an arrogant douche, it doesn’t matter what is your intent.
As such, the arrogant person is one who either refuses to examine his surroundings (or doesn’t care).
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One is confident while facing the challenge, and arrogant while facing the audience.
Confidence is usually justified by preparation; arrogance by autobiography.
Confidence is no guarantee of success, just as arrogance is no guarantee of failure, but those outcomes are usually what trigger the biggest celebrations.
Arrogance = I’m superior to you
Confidence = I believe in my capability
As long as we’re playing the definition game.
Confidence is understanding your strengths, arrogance is ignoring your weaknesses.
The difference is essentially in the mind of the external observer, not in the nature of the subject’s sense of self worth. If your confidence makes other people feel insulted, whether you intended it to or not, you will be called arrogant. If your arrogance is received with agreeing smiles, you will be seen as an example of natural confidence.
Regretfully, an arrogant personality can be more intimidating, which does have results in the workplace.
Like Robby says, it’s about humility.
I’ve often seen arrogance as a mental blind spot for self and others, with such people not understanding how they are seen by others, hence they may talk for too long or too grandly, and hence they don’t realize how real people have smacked their noses against reality.
A prince sheltered in a palace might be arrogant, while a millionaire who started out as an orphan, unless traumatized into blind spots, would not. Hence the former orphan, now a confident strong munitions king, Andrew Undershaft, in the stage play “Major Barbara,” by G.B. Shaw, is shown as taking care to know his own strength around people.
You may have seen the recent Liam Neeson movie “Unknown” where Liam is replaced by a double, a double that even his wife thinks is the real Liam. Rather than conclude he has gone mad, Liam reasons, in the translation of the French book, “I know why the other man is a fake. You can see it in his face, his ease, his detachment. He has never known shame…”
Arrogant people measure themselves against other people and judge themselves to be better.
Confident people measure themselves against the task at hand and judge themselves to be up to the challenge.
Glad you’re drawing the distinction, but I think there’s a more useful way to look at it.
Confidence actually properly comes from the outside in. By that I mean, that confidence comes from living consistent with reality. For example, Galileo is confident about his conclusions because he does experiments informed by reality. I don’t mean that as a social phenomenon, as if everyone agreeing with you the world is flat makes your idea any more true.
Arrogance is not primarily about an attitude, but instead about your confidence being out of step with reality. In other words, no matter how confident you feel about driving 80mpg on a crowded freeway, your car can only stop so fast.
Taking pleasure in other people being stupid is probably best labeled as some other dysfunction.
Some arrogance is passive. I would define an arrogant person as one who is so convinced of their superiority that it blinds them to outside ideas and alternate viewpoints. Confidence, in my mind, implies enough separation from ego that one can learn and self-improve while doing great things.
Someone who actively enjoys putting others down I would define as a jerk :)
I like the definition.
I’m going to guess that an arrogant person comes from a place of shame. They don’t like how they feel about themselves, so they put on airs of superiority to compensate. The opportunity to make someone else feel uncomfortable shifts the attention away from themselves and their sense of inadequacy.
However, I think a confident person comes from a place of security. They know where they stand and are comfortable in that place, even when they aren’t the smartest or best in the room. They don’t have to compensate for their inadequacies the way the arrogant person does.
What do you think?
Arrogance is about external appearances, hence the “I’m right, you’re wrong” attitude. Confidence is held inwardly and can soldier on regardless of external opinions, positive, negative or neutral. Arrogance tends to work against, while confidence more easily works with.
Who died and made YOU the king of definitions? :)
This is a great way of thinking about arrogance and confidence. Walter Bond likes to say “confidence is arrogance under control.” Your approach notes that confidence is about knowledge of superior ability, whereas arrogance is putting others down.
I do think that confident people ought to have the ability to spot errors, but should do so with a sense of humility. The arrogant person says: “You’ve made a mistake.” The confident person says: “I’ve made that mistake too.”